Maybe everything has been falling into some sort of routine that I don’t have anything significant to pen down.

Maybe I’ve been talking too much, so I write less. This is particularly bad.

But either way, life is life. Full of surprises it seems.

There’s like info-overload every now and then and sometimes I take it really bad. Plenty of late nights trying to dissect the information/knowledge so I could get them out of my mind. Most of the time I end up with headaches, trying to associate one thing with another, trying to make sense out of the whole thing. These are the headaches caffeine wouldn’t relieve and medicine wouldn’t help.

Either way, I just managed.

Like the usual I threw a hell lot of tantrums. Most to people whom I don’t give a shit about and people who were trying to paint a very beautiful picture in front of me. I wouldn’t know why were they trying to entice me or what they saw that made them stop by to make an extra effort.

Either way, I don’t buy that.

It’s part of being cynical I think.

Most definitely strange to have people out of the boundary you drew around yourself to offer to pick you up (and send you home). It didn’t happen of course, I wasn’t even leaving. But such offers are strange and such offers come with unknown intention and motivation.

The rest of the time was spent alone, in solitude lest I kill any one. HAHA :)

Then I realised how much short-term happiness money can buy. And how much mid-term happiness money and romance can buy.

I don’t think there’s any tangible formula to long-term happiness. Oh well.

But you know, all in all, everything is going to turn out right. I am sure all I need now is a good mac book, photoshop, and a new camera.

Yes, screw photography and bring photoshopology in!

I’d think homosexuality is one of the things we all deal with as part of growing up. It may not be the sexuality of oneself that’s of concern, it could be somebody close.

Like the other day I found out one of my close, decade-long friend is undecided on his sexuality. And later found out his brother is gay, as I suspected. But I think the entire issue is interesting altogether. The first thing that came to mind then wasn’t anything judgemental. And everything he had to say about that particular brother of his wasn’t judgemental either.

The father wasn’t angry either.

In my opinion, love supersedes their differences.

Urgh, I can’t tell you how much I love you. And I can’t tell you, also, that whatever you are, you’re still the same to me.

Being oh-so-determined to not change my schedule or waste the allocated time away, I ended up going for a movie alone. It wasn’t that bad altogether but it is still considered a great leap forward. I was never quite comfortable with going cinemas alone.

The next week begins again and I really wonder what it will entail. It’s so tiring, most of the time, to live within uncertainties.

Maybe I am taking the variable factors of life too seriously. I shouldn’t have bothered about them and concentrate on what I am doing now, my pursuits. To make plans and future arrangement seems kind futile because we really never know what will happen.

And so they tell me to keep an open mind.

:)

And I’m thinking of moving on to protein instead, it’s 10x more cost-effective as much as it give me less calories. Oh well.

Damn difficult to keep track of how many calories I take. The fact that I skipped breakfast isn’t at all pleasant.

Made tarts for convenient food. I must remind myself to stay away from healthy food. Fruit tarts with some fruit cream is really the last thing I’ll ever have for breakfast or whatever I is. Give me my chicken pie any day. Or char siew pastry, which I should really make again cos they were damn yummy.

Back to more push ups, a few more sets of dumb bells before I call it a day.

Dear Lord, thank you for alex. I don’t think there’s any one more amazing than him, who never fail to surprise me. It’s such a pity he’s so far away, but I know you will watch over him. I am sure You know what I am thinking and I hope you help him tide through this period of some uncertainty. And as for me, I don’t really think I’m strong enough to make a choice like he did.

:)

And I wonder how’s timothy. Urgh, don’t stone him please?

Then I thought I saw some one who may be melvin, but I can’t be too sure. If he was, he’s surely put on some weight and didn’t look as good as before - cumulative effect of smoking?

The mass gainer and some bcaa thing is coming today. Don’t know if I should be excited or not. Grow jon grow.

It comes a point in time when we don’t get the luxury of putting things behind. The reality of the fast-paced society. Didn’t feel good after I was home last night. Depressed, yes. But there was work to do.

Got down to working but it was so difficult to start. Managed to eventually but it was far from productive - at least I tried.

Maybe he is right, I’m here to make mistakes. I don’t have to prove anything. But come on, who is really so forgiving in our society today?

Urgh.

More work, more. Gotta prove a point eventually, really.

Back at “work” for weekend duties of sorts. Damn boring if you were to ask me. The time could be better spent doing other things. But sometimes such mundane activities really give good rest - to do absolutely nothing and to wait for time to pass.

Don’t know if I’m happy or not. Everything is slightly strange and undecided. I’d so love to have some certainty but I realised there isn’t a need to it. There’s so much to explore and so much to realise, to learn. And ultimately, to see where I get in life.

I’ve been thinking a little, and I’ve my own little decision already. Praise be.

Then, uh, there’s this whole I’m-not-going-to-be-ordinary thing which is putting me off because I really don’t know where to place my bets on. It’s the spirit of believing I don’t really have. And being oh-so-skeptical I don’t think I’ll ever decide where to go/what to do.

Now an opportunity presents upon itself and I think I should take flight even though I’m fairly comfortable. That’s what I say now. Before long it would be, I’m fairly comfortable so I shouldn’t take flight.

The whole point is I don’t think I can ever decide if I want to forgo opportunities that presents itself. I don’t wanna be seen as a loser either. Oh God.

I think admist all the confusion, I don’t need people to state the obvious. It has reached a point in time when it’s annoying to have some one repeating himself like a spoilt tape-recorder without solving the problem at all. Do something else that will work, please?

Urgh.

Perspectives, ideologies, balance. There’s nothing more than experimentation I need. I’m sure everything will iron itself out once I figured what I want, what is comfortable and what I’m standing for.

Oh well. To the doctor’s office, tiring.