Maybe not

jon laa wrote on March 26th, 2010, 2:44 am

Guess I’ve been indeed indecisive. I may not have noticed if sn didn’t point it out.

Then somebody pointed out to me that my unexplained emotional exhaustion could be due to some sort of psychiatry issues. Thank you, I couldn’t have remembered if you didn’t point it out.

Bailey has to go. I don’t know if I am affected by it or not. But I think it did help a lot that my folks made it darn clear way early. But they should also know I will get an animal home, if not a labrador. Done with tears and done with all the emotional bit. I’m isolating myself, emotionally, from her because I know she’s going to go.

And she’s taking it well.

It’s quite taxing. I can’t wait to move. I can’t wait to rehome bailey. The first thing I do the day I rehome her would be to pack and I’ll be off to the new place on the second day. I’m really tired of staying here and I’m really tired of having to deal with uncertainties.

The fact that I have seen the lady bring different people in to view the place makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Trading a place where I’ve given two decades of my life to, the only place I have to return to, for a substantial amount of money seems very superficial, materialistic.

But it’s not a place I would call home, anyways.

Nonetheless, memories.

I can still remember my first two rabbits. I can still remember the hamsters my cousin brought home. I can still remember the hamsters I brought home. I can still remember the hamster hunt. I can still remember the bee hives, snakes and lizards which I conveniently capture to attempt to domesticate them. I can still remember the mango tree. I can still remember the huge pond and huge kois. I can still remember our discuses and their babies, and how none of them ever made it past infancy. I can still remember the angels, who did better than discuses, and made it to adulthood. I remember the goldfishes and their many babies. I can remember the guppies and mollies we had, the planted aquarium. I can remember the lotus, water lilies and gerberas. I can still remember we once had a lot of lilies. I can remember rolling down the stairs. I can remember locking myself in the kitchen because I refused to let anybody witness my medicine-taking agony. I remember this is where my life began.

:)

Better days, I am sure, will come. It’s going to be my own home after all. And I hope I wouldn’t move out and ditch my parents. But you do know I love staying alone right?

:)