Giving in

by jon laa on March 7th, 2010

The fact that I am considering other options shows I’m giving in. I don’t think I can take everything as they come and it will come a time when I need to make a decision of sorts.

I am so tired of trying. And I think it’s going to be a life-long journey of trying. But I don’t think I am going to be proud of it at the end of the day.

It’s a lot of pride and ego. That’s about it.

Maybe with elements of proving to others I can.

Gah. This is so meaningless.

Of course it’s cool and yada yada yada.

But I think sn has a point there. It may be better to get out of education asap, grow up and take control of the steering wheel.

Please let me go, thank you.

I’m already dying.

In bed with blackberry

by jon laa on March 5th, 2010

There are too many things I don’t know.

May be a good thing, or maybe not.

I hate it when people ask me questions, I hate it when I don’t have an answer. I hate it when I don’t have reasons.

And I never understood why we need reasons.

There are times I do things to please others. Like how, at this very point in time as I lay on my bed, I think of what I can do to help a colleague feel better. Then when I ask myself why, why do I even care/bother, I don’t have an answer.

Of course there are times when I have answer to the same question.

“Because I love him/her.”

And it seems that’s all I need to know. It doesn’t matter if he/she doesn’t love me. I don’t need/have to justify myself to love some one, thankfully. But it would be better if I don’t have to justify such gestures.

I don’t always have a justification, you know?

I’ve three bottles of hoegarden lying on top of my shelf. They’re for shan and they’ve been there since sep. I just gave the chop stick set, prawn paste, fish sauce plus tee shirt to sn, even though I bought them as long ago.

There are tees for mok and elaine but I doubt I’ll see them ever again.

I wondered why I didn’t bring back anything for farouche. It was more like I thought I had another opportunity to get that particular tee shirt for her but it turns out that it was the last time I ever saw it. I don’t know if I regret.

It completely sucks when everybody seems to be taking turns to bid their farewells as we grow. No, I don’t blame them. I wish I could stay but I know I would do the same at any given opportunity. It sucks to realise you’re left alone.

And when that happens, the idea of going somewhere completely foreign to start your life anew seems very appealing. To make friends you know will not kiss your ass goodbye - whatever that means.

I think that is why we are all sinking into our world own of yesterday. It isn’t economical to invest time and emotions in a person who may not be around in the immediate future.

I think we’re a lost generation who lost the art of friends-making.

Look, I’m never sure. iThink.

By the way, iThink it is my fault you all left. I could have done much better. Thanks for being part of my friend-making trial. I’ll see if I can raise enough funds to bring my project to europe, and see if I’ll get any positive results out of the test involving european specimen.

Bad connection, bad bad connection

by jon laa on March 5th, 2010

The usual discrimination continues. People at work being stuck at work with no work to do. It’s not so much about whether there is work to do or not, it’s about them having the better end of the stick. It’s always like that.

Of course I shouldn’t be caring about that.

Nothing much to say besides that I just wanna sleep.

And think of the endless possibilities of moving into a new house.

Dealing with life

by jon laa on March 4th, 2010

I wouldn’t know what will happen when I have to live within the compounds again. I enjoy my time out these nights very much, as much as they are scarce and almost ending.

Of course life isn’t that pleasing, most of the time, depending on how you look at it.

Like that idiot who borrowed my id hasn’t returned it yet. Damn it. Isn’t it just basic courtesy?

I’ve a feeling people are tapping on my forgetfulness sometimes. I think it’s only nature, and only polite to return what you have borrowed, especially when lent to you when you desperately needed help. It doesn’t help that people actually did steal from me - even if it may just be a simple water bottle.

Don’t appreciate it that the last person who borrowed my beloved pair of ear plugs have yet to return him. I’m glad, however, I still have those ear plugs tien bought for me many years back to aid my sleep. I so need it but I am glad they are still unused.

Going to bed, continue another day.

Better perspective

by jon laa on March 3rd, 2010

I think God is somewhat gone from my life, again. I see the sequence of events as very fulfilling - there’s so much to learn from each of them. But yet from those lessons, I don’t always feel the hand of God leading me through as much as I felt it was for the better good. Perhaps it’s part of growing up, part of learning to deal with God.

Oh Dio!

Plans are still as vague as it can be. Uh, I think I need to imprint the inexistence of constant into myself. Too often I find myself expecting things to fall in the way it is planned and arranged to be but more often than not, they never come to pass.

Lesson #1: nothing is set in stone and all will pass away.

And I realised the future is more bleak than I’ve ever imagined it to be. Then again, it’s hardly so when looked in in retrospect.

Lesson #2: let go and be less obsessive with dreams chasing.

By the way, I’m not entrapped in post-dating woes.

:)