In view of divisions

by jon laa on February 28th, 2010

This is a sunday morning and the sermon is about division, I think. Feels strange to be sitting in the midst of like-minded people, at least by faith, without actually being able to identify with them.

But I’m still here almost every sunday, even if I partied the night before, because it is a tangible sacrifice of sorts. I’m here, not anywhere else, because I don’t think there’s anywhere better in whole; like the way I think there isn’t a pre-packaged miss/mr perfect.

There are differences between us, every single one of us who are “of Christ” because we’re still human. Like my dad aptly put it, we’re still in flesh. Flesh brings us apart, in language and even colour. I saw people praying to the God I pray to the other day at the hospital - they were all black, like the way I’m yellow. Physical differences put us apart.

Even if we were to put nature, what we are born into aside, there’re differences within christians. There are christians who have causal sex expecting God to forgive them the way God forgiven murders each them they confess. There are christians who firmly stand by that fornication and adultery are sins, are death-worthy sins.

God aside, what the -vulgarity- do people think it’s socially acceptable to -insert rude word-?

No shame.

I think the sermon is ending. No, I did not listen.

May God deliver me.

Of success and whatever not

by jon laa on February 27th, 2010

Maybe it’s being too fixated with being average and whatever shit. I think I need to take two steps back. For my own health and sanity - how literal.

Being contented matters.

I guess.

And whatever else comes along are just bestowed blessings.

Okay, I should attempt to party.

Unwanted calls

by jon laa on February 27th, 2010

It’s awful to know people like them decide they should ask me what’s with me rather than to ask the hospital, doctor themselves.

Please trash the one family crap.

And you don’t expect me to pick up calls or reply your sms when I am sleeping. I don’t appreciate to be confronted when you decide to call my house. Please brush up on your etiquette.

Of course I could be pretending to sleep but whatever it is, you’re being annoying la.

Tsk.

Gs, As, Gs.

Going long

by jon laa on February 26th, 2010

I think it’s pretty upsetting to realise things aren’t going so well, especially after reading a latest entry that reminded me of nothing but happiness.

No point holding on, I tell myself.

And things aren’t swaying my way.

The future somewhat got a little more settled and I guess the direction is somewhat more fixed. Too often we distract ourselves by not having enough faith. Most of the time, we only need more time, to take it a little easier.

I’m not sure how to take things from here, especially when the mobile is off.

:)

Guess I’m feeling less emotional after being on antidepessants. I think they rob me of my emotions.

Good day.

Finding comfort

by jon laa on February 20th, 2010

Dinner at the coffee nations was pretty good. The pasta was pretty phail. It’s impossible to understand how can anybody phail at aglio olio. I think I preferred pasta mania’s better.

I requested for aglio olio with pesto (because I saw that they had another pasta dish with pesto) and it did come with pesto. But it came with chili fakes which I didn’t want though it may be part of the aglio olio than part of the pesto. It wasn’t stated in the menu that it comes with chili though but the pesto dish they had comes with them.

And the waiter said, “spicy aglio olio …” when he served it. Like, uh, no?

The friend decided to try some after realising how unimpressed I was with his recommendation (of the cafe, not dish) and insisted on getting the dish changed, which I refused. Quite insulting to the chef, it was not inedible but it was probably just lousy to the extend they can’t help it.

The pesto was tasteless. If two pieces of fresh basil leaves can overpower a few cloves of minced garlic, I don’t see how can pesto be completely overpowered by a few slices of a garlic or at most two?

I couldn’t taste the supposedly fragrant olive oil as well.

The friend thought the pepper (if there was any) and chili was too overpowering.

Eh, we got the waiter to add extra servings of pesto and olive oil instead of changing the entire dish - a compromise we reached amicably.

Okay.

The pasta came back more green, which got me excited. But it tasted as bland. No heightened favours. The pesto was still somewhat missing. There was some favour to suggest the presence of olive oil but it was still pathetic la.

There are a few possible reasons for that - 1) the pesto was not fresh, 2) the pesto was substandard, 3) the proportion of basil in the pesto was too little (and how is that actually possible?), 4) the olive oil is some lousy kind, 5) we are paying too little for them to get anything of a better quality.

They charged us an extra dollar for pesto.

I am going back for the same dish again. And I hope I wouldn’t be disappointed.

They can 1) get better pesto/make their own and 2) getting better olive oil or drizzle fresh olive oil (preferably at least virgin olive oil) over the pasta before serving.

:)

The chicken thigh was quite nice. I love their fries, I think it may be the sauce. The pineapple that came with it could be more caramelised, if that was the intention. It came slightly brown without tasting any different from pineapples fresh (how ironic) out of the can.

No, I can’t remember the chicken thigh dish name because it was not my meal. Bleah!

On a side note, they should probably change the title of their webpages. I am sure the friend will do for them for a complimentary drink. They should also edit the grammatical errors in their menu, which I will gladly do for a complimentary set meal. I am more greedy.

But in actual fact, he is.

:)

It was awesome company, besides for the major hiccup in the day. Damn it.

Little sacrifices

by jon laa on February 19th, 2010

It is a lot of lessons to learn. Putting in effort, taking initiatives, keeping the ego in place, sparing considerations, removing pride, heightening forgiveness and giving up time.

Plenty of aimless walking, going in circles and rounds - both literally and otherwise - to find ourselves at the origin, to have a simple objective met.

To worsen matters, there are unfairness, unnecessary angst and frustration to endure. The insecurities that are meant to be consciously kept away. The belief and faith to go on.

Maybe it is right, maybe it isn’t.

By the way, I’m contemplating a cafe. I think it sounds like a brilliant idea. Please help okay. Make it our success. Make it my life.

On long train rides

by jon laa on February 18th, 2010

And so I’m on my way to the psychiatrist feeling pretty confused. I think there’s something obviously wrong with me, I can’t/ don’t know how to elaborate further.

Even though romance and everything lovey seems to elevate my mood a little, I don’t think it is enough to fix whatever is wrong. I secretly think it is a lifetime of pent up frustration that is killing me so softly.

The worst of all is to find myself in the process of going, perhaps literally, crazy. I’ve found myself being unfair to some people, to those whom I value a lot as a portion of my life.

For those who have left, goodbye.

For those around, hang in there.

Of course for the one whom I’ve been spending a hell lot of time with, it has been terrible. Terribly unfair. Urgh, will try to make things better.

Falling in love

by jon laa on February 17th, 2010

I don’t really know if I’m in love or whatsoever. Every one of us have our own definition and I’m quite sure this isn’t a fling or an impulsive decision to get into dating/relationship.

One thing I’m sure of is that I’ve completely open my heart up and I’m willing to put in effort and make amendments for the other half’s happiness. Like little sacrifices and learning to compromise, to take a step back.

No, this isn’t a fairytale. But I’m working on it.

And hopefully things go beyond our imagination to where happiness lies.

To the special one, don’t give up on me just yet. It may seem difficult and we’ve our sour times but hang on okay? For the very least, I’m learning. And I think we’re starting to see some results eh? Press on.

Lost in time

by jon laa on February 17th, 2010

I ought to be writing but I have no idea what I should be writing.

Maybe it’s more of not being able to logically construct my thoughts to put them together in words.

Eh, life goes on I guess.

Gotta get myself moving. Guess I’m feeling lazy and would just like to rest in the name of being sick. But no, I’m gonna get moving.

One good news, I’ve found somebody who have agreed to do up my room.

:)

Falling in love

by jon laa on February 16th, 2010

Feels entirely strange, I realised.

Only if two parties can let go of rationalism.

This isn’t shakespeare or any literary work.