Boo

carrie wrote on August 28th, 2009, 11:55 am

Maybe I never quite got used to being left behind, being this useless. I suppose that is my problem which did brin some kind of inconvenience to others. Like the usual, I can’t seem to stay out of trouble with my inability to follow instructions, conventions, or any particular system. Perhaps I need a special school, some counselling sessions to attempt to resolve my problems with people though that may be some sort of escapism.

Independence. I need to start dealing with my own issues, facing my own problems, live my own life. There’s a huge over reliance on others in some aspects, which is a great hinderance to my road to self-reliance. It’s my responsibility to wean myself off others.

Life seems, seems, to be a journey of self discovery to solve a puzzle of our own complexity, to resolve the dissonance we are born with or may have been developed in our ignorance. It comes with an opportunity to find our own purpose, direction, to mould ourselves into who we want ourselves to be.

Maybe this is my revealation to the plank in my eye, an enlightenment, divinity of sorts. And life is too short for any constant. The idea of an ideal system is flawed, warped. The system, in its convenience, does not address everybody’s issues, like in my case, nor is it the perfect approach to resolution of problems. It’s their easy way out they do not realise, their selfish way of life which is so well accepted, and established, to bring on inconvenience to those at the end of the food chain—the vicious cycle of life.

In any way, there’s much more life can offer and other lessons to be learnt. It can be about living our lives, having faith be believing that God will send us through. I’d think that the wonders of life is pre-ordianed and not a mere coincidence, which I ought to come to appreciate and givethanks for.

In the life I live, in which I have my choice of direction, I believe the higher power has a better foresight than my mere mortal seeing. May my footsteps be directed and may my self be assured and reassured of the goodness that will follow me all the days of my life.