Finding the right sensations

by jon laa on November 7th, 2009

I really think my lack of progress, in my opinion, which I believe my teacher wouldn’t contest, will be my inability to find/feel the right sensations. And of course I’ve been working a lot harder on it and I think I’m getting somewhere. Then again, I always think I am getting somewhere.

Bleah.

On the bright side, I sang an effortless A today. Um, by singing some random tunes that came into my head. I hope I don’t lose that sensation. I’d be glad to have Gs. Looked at some bellini, the one with a G in it, and attempted it. It didn’t turn out as well sung and I turned to mozart instead. I did fine for the first page and that’s enough for now.

I’ll just leave myself on the first page.

:)

Great expectations

by jon laa on November 2nd, 2009

In attempts to protect myself, I set expectations of others.

I do not extend a helping hand at all unless he’s a friend, loved.

Of course many ask for help, of which I offer only if I expect them to not reciprocate. And true enough most of them didn’t even if they promised to. Loaned items never returned, never.

There are some whom I trust, whom I know will return it probably after a decade or two. Probably not in the state I am expecting them to be in, but I don’t blame them.

Perhaps all these experiences have made me less responsible, more selfish. Just because it’s okay for others to do -insert whatever act- to me, I likewise do -insert whatever act- to others.

There are times I do better, I would like to believe. I try to make life a little better within my restrains and limitations. Often though I realised nobody quite appreciate it enough. More like, few do. It seems like those little acts of kindness are taken for granted and those little sharing I have become property of another person altogether.

Do we stoop so low?

Either way, with time, I’ve come with expectations.

I never gave any sales promoter any form of contact if they never gave me a chance to speak, especially those attempting to sell insurance. They rattle on as if it was their right to speak, telling you to shut up through their eyes concurrently. And yes I don’t walk away because I respect them, or make it look as if I do.

Given I don’t pick up most of my calls, it actually doesn’t matter if they called. They probably wouldn’t reach me - my mobile neither ring nor vibrate. Because of that I give those kind surveyors my number if they ask/request for it. Most of the time I don’t hear from them again, at least I don’t think so.

There are expectations now. There are what I feel I deserve from others. There are some I can live less with and some I can live without.

There are others I expect in wholes.

Questions without answers

by jon laa on November 1st, 2009

I was attempting to talk to this psychology major who is obviously pissing me off because he doesn’t seem to speak in full constructed sentences. There were only questions.

For somebody like me, that’s annoying.

And I hope my psychiatrist wouldn’t do that to me.

Now I realised I hate to think, as much as we always think I’ve been thinking too much.

Isn’t it kinda ironic?