Boo

by carrie on August 28th, 2009

Maybe I never quite got used to being left behind, being this useless. I suppose that is my problem which did brin some kind of inconvenience to others. Like the usual, I can’t seem to stay out of trouble with my inability to follow instructions, conventions, or any particular system. Perhaps I need a special school, some counselling sessions to attempt to resolve my problems with people though that may be some sort of escapism.

Independence. I need to start dealing with my own issues, facing my own problems, live my own life. There’s a huge over reliance on others in some aspects, which is a great hinderance to my road to self-reliance. It’s my responsibility to wean myself off others.

Life seems, seems, to be a journey of self discovery to solve a puzzle of our own complexity, to resolve the dissonance we are born with or may have been developed in our ignorance. It comes with an opportunity to find our own purpose, direction, to mould ourselves into who we want ourselves to be.

Maybe this is my revealation to the plank in my eye, an enlightenment, divinity of sorts. And life is too short for any constant. The idea of an ideal system is flawed, warped. The system, in its convenience, does not address everybody’s issues, like in my case, nor is it the perfect approach to resolution of problems. It’s their easy way out they do not realise, their selfish way of life which is so well accepted, and established, to bring on inconvenience to those at the end of the food chain—the vicious cycle of life.

In any way, there’s much more life can offer and other lessons to be learnt. It can be about living our lives, having faith be believing that God will send us through. I’d think that the wonders of life is pre-ordianed and not a mere coincidence, which I ought to come to appreciate and givethanks for.

In the life I live, in which I have my choice of direction, I believe the higher power has a better foresight than my mere mortal seeing. May my footsteps be directed and may my self be assured and reassured of the goodness that will follow me all the days of my life.

Bummers

by carrie on August 28th, 2009

I would think that people who are fasting has the perfect reason to be slack. To be fair, it’s only polite of me to do some work though I can be sure they’re probably only lazy. No reason for me to care but I’ll be nice, muslims or not.

Delight

by carrie on August 28th, 2009

Untrain singers only sound good within the range of a perfect fourth. Is that half an octave yet? But they really do sound real good!

Pinhole

by carrie on August 28th, 2009

It’s utterly depressing how people can look at the world and pass judgements without a clear, wholistic seeing. It’s depressing because their choices in life are so clouded by their own self-delusions that they probably do at many times deprive themselves from the unimaginable possibilities life can provide. It gets more depressing when they start to spread their myopic perspectives and try to convince others, justify their choices on baseless opinions. Just how often do we have to deal with such people. And how much pain it is to try to convince them I live my own life of endless possibilities.

I don’t adhere to any single set of beliefs nor do I commit myself to the rigidness of life, so I think. I still believe in trying, because we only live once. Oh, please quit telling me what to do. I actually do appreciate your suggestions just fine.

Foreign

by carrie on August 21st, 2009

It feels strangely weird to be back on the island after such a long break. Everything seems different and too much has changed for comfort. I do suppose that’s expectable though. I’ve realised I can’t be bothered with ‘things’. I’d very much like to be left alone in my solitary space.

Goodnight.

Monster

by carrie on August 20th, 2009

The mobile bill for the month reads $165.25. It’s disastrous.

And I think bailey is running out of food too. Damn it.

Liar

by carrie on August 19th, 2009

I’m still living without any decent access to the worldwide web and it’s beginning to become a pain. Gone are my ‘google it’ days and I can’t believe I’ve to resort to opening my bank statements to keep up with the transactions. Goodness gracious.

Been on perpetual medical leave after I caught dengue and life’s been too quiet for my liking. I’m dying for a good read and have decided to give up on oryx and crake—too cynical.

Everything has been pleasant besides for the possibility of being lied to. I’m strangely filled with distrust towards a particular individual who may have lied to me, us. Not very friendly, I’d say. I realise it’s difficult to give others the benefit of the doubt when they’ve been unpleasant and when they haven’t been much of a good company, like being selfish. Pity. I don’t suppose things will ever be the same again. Even if he lied not, the amount of unpleasantness I’ve received from him is enough to generate a lifetime worth of dislike. In as much as I try to be kind to others without expecting returns, I don’t think some trust and belief is too much to ask from a friend.

Moving on, I’m no longer part of the team for health reasons. I’m still spending time on the island while I wait for my posting. It’s pretty hard to imagine how life will unfold to be from this time forth. And I realise how uncertain the future is. May all be good.