Mystery

by jon laa on June 6th, 2009

Enough of going in circles, but more circles it shall be.

God knows what I longeth for, I’m sure about it.

Now it’s about a mixture of hard work and finding the right direction.

There’s too little uncertainty, but I’ll get there or die trying.

Beer

by jon laa on June 6th, 2009

Met the other singers, awesome exposure. I suppose we will meet again during the next studio recital. It’d be more exciting to know them in a more conducive environment, like not in a pub, though we will probably go drinking again after the next recital. Gonna miss the overseas trip with them because of national service, not awesome.

One glass of beer was all it takes to bring me down, feeling horrible. Not drunk. Tequila are much better for me.

Bah.

I thank God for the people and things he put in my life.

Frustration

by jon laa on June 4th, 2009

Patience is running scarce and you can hardly blame me. Been working on shifting for hours, to barely any consistency.

Feeling extremely tired too, must be the weights. I don’t think running actually taxes my body as much as weights do. Going to sleep early today and hope for some energy to do more shifting tomorrow.

I am determined to get the second, third and fourth position sorted out by the end of the month. Like the usual, I have to make myself achieve the impossible. Been working on the third and despite the inconsistency, it is falling into shape. Besides, I have done it before. It shouldn’t be that difficult nor taking that long.

My fingers hurt too, from the excessive shifting. Just think of gliding your fingers down steel strings for hours if you cannot see why will shifting hurt. If you cannot imagine the pain, try imagine the heat generated. Because I am not proficient at it, I actually do lots of portamentos to get from one pitch to the other, which was quite dumb. I realised I am better off without doing portamentos. The friction of the gliding actually messes up my calculation of the distance moved, which results in me overshooting most of the time.

Dumb.

If you are wondering why will I overshoot since I was listening to the pitch, it’s actually not that easy for glide. It’s more like a series of uneven jerks.

And so I am going to fetch some water, a glass of milk, shower, calm myself down and call it a day.

I’ll probably read some scores before I go to bed because I’m a sucker. In fact, I think I am going to do it right after publishing this entry.

My throat is feeling a little sore, as if a wire gauze is stuck inside.

Baby steps, baby steps.

I should relax and stop slamming my bow into my violin with all my might. It is actually enough to smash the violin into pieces if not because of the elasticity of the bow hair and violin strings. Yeah, was that annoyed.

Credibility

by jon laa on June 3rd, 2009

I have been blessed with credible people around me almost my entire life. I can’t remember when was the last time somebody made an absolute false statement with gusto and I don’t think anybody has ever tried to convince me to believe a false statement with “really!” I can’t feel more insulted.

Then when exposed I received a “really ah?” reply which honestly doesn’t undo the misleading he did. Of course I wasn’t misled, but there was the potential of it.

It would be so much better if people could make less absolute statement, by adding “I think”, “maybe” or “probably”, in situations when he cannot be sure.

Or in situations when the source of where he obtained his statement is known, he could have mentioned the source as well.

Both of which will probably not affect his trustworthiness, credibility in situations when he screws up. Let’s just put them as a measure of self-protection, to not allow others to judge you based on your ignorance and ignorance of self-protection.

The world will be a much better place if we allow ourselves to give allowance to our uncertainties.

Meh.

by jon laa on June 3rd, 2009

I am at the height of financial dissonance that I must as well be reduced to begging on the streets.

Meh!

Pop

by jon laa on June 3rd, 2009

I am going to rant.

Upset over how mandarin pop singers tend to be slightly off pitch during their live concerts.

I really like some of the songs and it’s just upsetting that the singers can only deliver them in studio.

Of course I know this doesn’t apply to all mandarin pop singers, and we should always give allowance for bad days.

But hearing two live singing videos that are oh-only-so-slightly off in a few days is just too much for me.

In short, it’s not that their fault. I am just unlucky to get two rotten eggs.

No, I am not going to sieve through youtube to see if I am right. I wouldn’t be able to take the trauma. I’d rather like to rant then walk off believing it was my exceedingly impossible expectations that resulted in my little dissatisfaction.

This article (Temasek Outperforms?) is a very good read.

PB

by jon laa on June 3rd, 2009

PB. Not powerbook but personal best.

Looking forward to mount faber run, seriously in great need of progress. Been running, did two rounds of 8km this week already. The average pace is about 5:48. From experience, race day pace can easily come down by 10 seconds. Going for two rounds of slope training at mount faber before ending off the training with a 10k run on thursday. Probably need to think of an ideal pace to not peak too early. I suppose I’ll need to freeze some ice for my legs too.

Planning to start the first three kilometres at 6 minute pace though I think that’s a little too slow. I am probably going to see if I can survive with just one kilometre to warm up. The slower I start means more catching up to do. Probably going to keep a pace of about 5:17 through the race. 5:20 is fine too, I know my last kilometer is probably going to be ninja (for me) five-minute pace thing.

Going to stretch my calves a lot more, they are a little tight. Then going for a(nother) hard run on thursday. Just 4km, going to try to hit five-minute pace. If I can sustain five-minute pace for 4km, I am good to go. May push it a little more to go for 5km, which is half the race!

Let’s not talk about practise because I did practise but it was barely constructive.

Rawr.

I need to sort out my life and get my priorities right.

Declination

by jon laa on June 1st, 2009

I was just telling this friend yesterday that my writing is going downhill, who cares right?

Given it’s my writing, I write what I want? Maybe I shouldn’t be bothered with opinions and expectations of good writing.

We live in a closed up society where asking a person what his major is is asking a little too much. Or maybe what school or course he is from is also not a good idea. There are people who makes it obvious that they is extra uncomfortable with that.

Maybe because we’ve been using it as a benchmark for success and if one is a screwed up in life. Oh well.

Gah.

There are also people who claim their english to be lousy after finding out I am from mass comm. Then snap into this defensive mode and start their verbal abuse at me.

Dio.

E.

by jon laa on June 1st, 2009

I can barely write properly, given the time now.

Just yawned, sign of being tired.

Feeling hungry too.

I am in some distraught of sorts, and I think I sound like I am out of love. A little out of love perhaps? But I wasn’t even in love to begin with, which makes the situation rather tricky.

Did some blog reading last night and came across various interesting videos, about how humans cheat - like rationalism v.s. morals - and intuition.

And I think my parents, particularly my dad, makes decision almost solely based on intuition. Unfortunately, his intuition is almost always right whenever there were definite measures for it. That could also mean that he knows when his intuition can be judged and in cases when it can be, he would be extra cautious to take the safe steps to prevent unnecessary trouble. In situations when you can never prove him wrong, he would liberally share his opinion, make judgments (more of this actually) by his intuition.

Maybe he only goes by his intuition when it doesn’t affect him. Like how he diagnosed my cousin’s pain in her hands to be rheumatism by hearing from my mother the aching/pain in my cousin’s hand(s). No need to know if it is an ache or a pain, neither does he need to know which part or look at it. My dad has the gift of diagnosis. Not only he identifies the problem, he can tell you the cause of the problem - habit of showering late.

Don’t you just love my family?

The constant exposure to unjustified, unsupported, bias and stupid comments just suffocates my entire being to silence, really.

By the way, my dad also says that she is to be wholly responsible for her aching/pain, given she did not take heed to his non-existent council then. Gets more interesting eh? Does that meant that he would assume full or partial responsibility if she did take heed to his council?

Like, wtf?

And if she is responsible for herself, that’s what he said actually, why bother to rant five minutes over it. It’s none of his business. I wished he have said that she is responsible for herself as an introduction instead of her conclusion. Maybe that will help him in shutting up.

:)