HOTA

by jon laa on June 30th, 2009

I don’t really care much about donating my organs, any of them, to people who needs it. In fact, I am not really keen on the idea because I wouldn’t know how fair the allocation system is. No matter how beautiful they make their system sound, it’s not going to convince me it works to my ideals.

On the other hand, I feel very strongly about donating organs for research. Maybe because I think it is harder for a researcher to gain access to an organ compared to somebody who’s dying, literally, for one. And all researches potentially hold the key to cure, saving lives. More amazing, no?

H1N1

by jon laa on June 29th, 2009

Oops, my cousin is down.

They let him home in an ambulance before his results were out and I wonder if he’s still home now given he’s tested positive.

Poor thing, really.

Meow

by jon laa on June 29th, 2009

I’m watching sweeney todd, the musical not movie, on youtube and I’d really like to sing along but I figured I’ll be better off keeping quiet. I don’t want to unnecessary put my voice through fatigue.

But it’s such an amazing musical. Bring sweeney to met, please.

I could feel my heart beat faster and the music is so amazing.

And also, I’d like to hear opera singers do the entire production. I think it’ll be amazing, probably the best combination for me.

This entry is written in the afternoon but I forgot about it until now. I realised I miss the musical a lot, like somewhat it was the most honest and sincere experience I had.

by jon laa on June 28th, 2009

I apologise not to those who expect one because they think they are right.

Faith

by jon laa on June 28th, 2009

I think God knows and I don’t because I’m not trying hard enough. I actually do believe that I can extract a lot more from God if I can listen better.

The past year, or half a year, has been amazing. I felt I learnt so much.

I’m ready to move on.

I feel like I managed to leave a lot of the past behind, I feel like I am ready to continue.

And I realised I’ve changed too, not sure if I’m changing for the better. I doubt it. I think more people dislike me now than ever? Not that it ever mattered but it’s always a good benchmark.

Maybe God wants new company for me, I’m tired of the current anyways.

Enlightenment

by jon laa on June 27th, 2009

Better not write anything too controversial here, it’s scary.

Goodbye. HAHA.

Relief

by jon laa on June 26th, 2009

Maybe God plans occurrences in such a way whereby what happened yesterday is constructive to now.

Like how edward said something I never did fully agree with, because there I have one example which did not fit into his statement, a few nights ago. But upon further pondering, I only have one. It was a good point he made, I’m glad amongst everything I forgot I remembered that.

There are some things I’d like to learn better though, and I am failing badly at it. I wouldn’t deny it has a lot of do with me.

One of which includes letting go. There’s been a fair bit of emotional baggage and I’m glad some people have totally walked out of my life. Little depressing, I suppose, but I like it that way. Or rather, we like it that way. There wasn’t a compromise and we couldn’t reach one.

Now, at this point in time, I’d just like to fall in love and romanticise my misery. I’d like to see what love can unfold and fill myself with the energy from the unpleasantness of loving some one and having somebody to love.

Looking at myself now, this point in time, I realise I do love the wrong people. Enough of those dirty looks already, I’ve come to realise.

I don’t know how I can, have been, putting up with all these nonsense and it’s time I learn to let go and move on to a new lease of life.

No, I think I’d like to put an end to it and bring them all to my next phase of life.

:)

Our past come together to constitute to our present.

Many thanks to all who heard me at some point or another, it actually did help.

Many thanks also to those many who have decided to stay away from me. I know I can be, or am, too radical, of which I am not sorry for.

It’s never about man.

Hello?

by jon laa on June 25th, 2009

I’d like to know if you’re there, I’m just as great to know if you aren’t.

If we could both agree to walk away, I don’t have to do a lot of things.

Like inviting you for the recital because I think I should invite you even though I know you wouldn’t and you may want to know I don’t want you to come.

God

by jon laa on June 25th, 2009

I murmured a prayer in the midst of rehearsal. Because I felt that besides for God, nobody would know what can go wrong or right. The element of uncertainty, I suppose.

Then I realise I completely forgot about God afterward. I’m not sure if you call it faith. Believing God will be there, even if He is not working.

The truth is, I simply forgot. Because I forgot about my prayer and I forgot to give thanks for hitting the Ebs almost spot on all the time, which never happened before during class. In fact, I never hit them spot on before on first attempts.

Because of that, I realise, how man only turn to God in times of need.

And I also realise I’m probably not all that close to God.

Everything aside, I think I have a -you-don’t-know-what-yet- and would like to thank God for that. Because if all else fails, that doesn’t.

Lastly, looking back at the past year, I realise how much I’ve grown and how much I’ve grown to be more secure.

:)

Discovery

by jon laa on June 24th, 2009

Maybe we are completely missing the point when we ask the question, what have we done to deserve this?

I assume all of us would agree life isn’t fair and there is hardly any explanation required for the shit life throws at us.

In hindsight, I appreciate myself better when I look at how distorted some people are. It is not as if I am not perfectly normal, I’m sure you already know I’m somewhat distorted, but at least I find great comfort in that I root myself in adequate social and moral values.

Praise be.

On the extreme end of the spectrum, we have people who live in their delusions and hypocritical lies. In times when their bubble built upon falsehood and emptiness burst, we see them shattering into pieces and see them unveiling who they really are.

It is these people who never looked beyond themselves and look within themselves for self-improvement who live lonesome, despairing lives.

I’m sorry, I am not you.

I’m sorry, I can’t share your misery.

I’m sorry, I can deal with your shit and you’ve failed to inflict misery upon me with your distorted perspective and warped, self-righteous comments.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors, that you find somebody in life who can accept you for who you really are.

Also, may you find comfort in your exceedingly great wealth because it may be the only security in life you have.

To sum the entry up in a sentence - I think you’re a loser whom I can barely sympathize, for which I’m sorry.

ETA: Now that I see a better picture of what manner of man he is, I realised how stupid I was to have trusted him and the picture of the world he has drawn. Of course it is very artistic, colourful and elaborated, but it is not real. The complete breach of trust through his absurd self-centredness brings me to realise how I have wronged others by allowing my judgment be marred by a misery old fool.

Feels good to write some hate post every now and then.

:D