Gah

by jon laa on May 8th, 2009

I really had things to say before I decided to forget them all.

On the dark side, I failed at running today. Died at 2k, disappointment.

Did some bowing without the violin, I wonder if it will actually work.

And sang a bit, and it was molto bella.

Put some plans down, hopefully they realise themselves.

On the bright side, I made pita-bread-of-sorts last night.

On the positive side, life goes on and I shall run tomorrow morning.

Lack

by jon laa on May 6th, 2009

Today’s class was awesome. Didn’t manage to do everything I had to. Progressed on to other rhythm patterns and you could say we are progressing well. Quite a bit of difficulties trying to get the rhythm of dotted rhythms but it is getting better, still working on it. There’s some problems with my release, it is just not fast enough. Maybe I would never get down to play paganini, which is okay for me actually. Total of eight rhythmic exercises, three of which are acceptable, two of which are not spot on, another two are new and the last one is actually the paganini sixteenth note madness. Okay, maybe the paganini madness would be the sixty-fourth note, which is, um, called hemidemisemiquaver. Like honestly.

Pitching is okay, second position kicks ass. The third isn’t that great, totally slipped my mind to practise. Didn’t learn the first, don’t ask me why he skipped that. There are probably five or eight of them to learn. Going to practise an unclassified one on my own, because my bach piece requires that. Going to attempt dvorak as well, exciting. Beats beethoven anytime, don’t ask why. Brahms is still the best, my best friend.

Bow still shakes. I have problems relaxing enough to let the bow fall at slower tempi, it kinda still jumps. For faster tempi, my bow kinda flies so much that it doesn’t has the perfect contact with the strings. No, they do not squeak but the tone isn’t all that beautiful either. I have better luck at faster tempi than not. Going to do some concentration camp training on that again.

Fourth finger is starting to get into shape. It is still weak, obviously. But the shape, form, structure, whatever you call it, is becoming natural. It disappears when I am a little too tensed, uptight, you-know-that-already. And so, I need to release my grip a little.

I figured it is all about finding equilibrium. Lots of letting go and lots of understanding the instrument, and understanding nature, understanding how things works.

There is only so little you can exert a direct control over.

Dying

by jon laa on May 4th, 2009

The skin on my finger tips are starting to die away and you can see them becoming flatter after all the hammering.

Unfortunately, tuning wasn’t that great today. I figured it has to do with both fatigue and laziness. I was attempting to play while sitting down and the structure or form, whichever you call it, was somewhat distorted. The fingers weren’t erected enough. HAHA.

Bowing was better. Managed to do more exploration, and managed to play at different tempi. Only managed one on saturday, which totally sucks.

Did some singing, sounds right for a moment before it evolve into something else which sounds wrong. Tsk.

Greatness

by jon laa on May 4th, 2009

It is amazing how a simple hug or encouragement can spur one forward.

Don’t give up, so I was told.

The keyboard feels lighter than before, probably after all the string slamming I did during practices. I hope it lasts a little longer though, preferably till I enlist at least.

Now that I have mentioned, I suppose I have to call you-guess-who up to defer my enlistment. Nearly forgot.

Decided against retaking napfa, not that I don’t see the point anymore but it is probably better if I don’t let myself be motivated by greed, self, ego. Breaks are good, especially when one is injured. My feet hurts real bad for the past few days, getting better though.

Phone has died on me, procrastinating about charging it. I think it is better that way too.

Tomorrow is jc syf, probably will head down for the morning session if I can wake up on time. If not, I will make do with the afternoon session. Between the two, I have to make my way down for violin class.

And I would be doing better if I can stop procrastinating over lunch and get down to practice.

By the way, I really love singers.

Despite potential artistic differences.

Feeling

by jon laa on May 3rd, 2009

Feeling damn wasted, it is half past three in the morning and I just got home not too long ago after faust, some drinks and supper with a friend of sorts.

I mention friends-of-sorts every now and then and you can probably figure why they are labeled as such.

Feeling damn wasted because I lack direction these days. It has been late nights, late mornings, irregular meals and squeezing time for practice. Being late and being irresponsible. It all piles up to being unpleasant and being a jerk of sorts.

Today was spent playing open string. In fact, I didn’t know what to play because I did manage to tune my fingers a fair bit and I figured I shouldn’t just do tuning alone. The sight singing exercises were completely terrible, sucks. Decided upon working on bowing, which was constructive. Did lots of exploration and experimentation before finally working some issues out, like the shaky bow.

Probably need more determination to put everything I have been working together instead of just isolation.

And did sing a little, higher than I was expecting. The imagery I am using now is opening up a new sound, which I am not sure if it is right. I guess it is about exploration and experimentation as well.

By the way, the opera was not that exciting. I guess my heart was not there and everything was watched in third person perspective. And I realise there are such varied opinions on what is good. Of course there are some distinctive obvious takes, but some are a little confusing.

Didn’t like the chorus at all. I figured they may be too big a group for them to sound decent.

Neither was I fond of the orchestra actually, particularly the strings. The sound was somewhat okay but not homogeneous enough as a section. Probably can be better, maybe it is the concertos recording that has been pushing my standards up. The brass delivered well though they sounded slightly messy, and the woodwinds had some slips in pitch I think.

Did enjoy myself nonetheless. There is always something learnt, something extra to watch and an experience to gain.

No, I did not fall asleep.

Oh, I think the usher brought this lady a sweater and some hot drink or a lozenge. I couldn’t figure and I didn’t want to turn back to look. Must be already uncomfortable with the attention seeking bit, looking at her probably isn’t going to help. Don’t think it did help though, she walked off with her partner after the mezzo sang her aria.

No burping and weird noises this time.

Unnecessary

by jon laa on May 2nd, 2009

Gah. It is going to be four in the morning and I am still up online having a conversation with some one over unnecessary yet important matters. Feeling drained from all this rubbish and I will like to walk out soon. It is not as if I want to, but it is just no longer a fair bargain and I am no longer comfortable.

Back to which, I hope I am not shortchanging anybody in my decision for others. For one, la donna e mobile decides too slowly to get things done. I am starting to have doubts about what I have decided is best for you in the long run but for now you gotta make do with it. Because of the situation you are in, you want to get yourself away from the unnecessary pangs.

Been spending a lot more time on the fiddle, to try to explore as much as I can. Probably did spend an hour on open string yesterday to do minute alterations to my bowing and it is quite amazing. Did manage to remove the shake, but it is still not always even. It is difficult to find an equilibrium between control, strength and relaxation. The bow is a lot straighter than before though and I am still trying to find a comfort zone where it reaches the tip. It gets a little tense if my wrist is too high but if it is too low, the sound loses its focus, bah!

Did explorations again today, over pitches. Played the first finger position on A string probably over a thousand times in my attempts to remember how it sounds. To memorise the pitch is probably futile so I have been trying to shift my attention to the brightness, colour when it snaps into place instead. I favour a flatter submedian for A major and I have no idea why. I don’t have the same problem for D major though. And on E major, my subdominant tends to be sharp.

Either way, the time spent on fine tuning is actually starting to pay off. The notes are a lot more even and the intervals between notes are more crisp than before. The noises of sorts are somewhat going away.

It is kinda awesome actually.

My fourth finger has also found its form, structure, shape and it is able to stay still now. Probably need a more precise attack and curvature, tends to be too straight (bringing the pitch up) or too bent inwards (bringing the pitch down and giving some kind of wobble). It lacks a little strength but still doing awesome.