Phase

by jon laa on April 30th, 2009

And so I managed to clear napfa, silver. The only station which let me down was sit-and-reach, two points. I am seriously considering retaking but we will see, I may be too lazy when the time comes.

My right leg hurts though, think it is the racers. Probably didn’t have enough cushion and support, sucks. Did plan to do some intervals today but can totally forget it.

Feeling damn super exhausted now, alone and such. Tsk.

dreams

by jon laa on April 28th, 2009

i dreamt that i was supposed to be monitoring hilary hahn for some shit. and we laughed over how could they have attached her to somebody who can’t even play a metaphorically perfect scale. then we started talking and laughing and exploring her restored violin, which was damn ugly, before somebody came to check on us. then hilary hahn decides she should wait for her friend before she starts and that friend never came. and the dream goes on with me picking up her violin because she left it unattended somewhere. absurd, really.

then i also dreamt of somebody whom i was befriending who told me he isn’t available anymore because he is taken by andre, which is absurd.

my heel hurts from all the jumping and my legs are quite tired, i could feel the fatigue this morning. practically couldn’t even do a tuck jump. on medication as well, for coughing. i started coughing in the middle of the night and decided it is bad for the voice so i took some pills, which worked.

miss camp instructor days. amongst all the people i have met randomly, my colleagues then were perhaps the most sincere, honest, loving and responsible people ever. i never met people, collectively, more pleasant then them.

forgot to check out shoulder rests on my trip to esplanade. pure stupid.

had the most amazing conversation with shaun too, not the polytechnic classmate, over certain issues. i like the exchange of opinions and information, it really helps. put things in clearer perspective. for somebody who has been to the other better world, it could mean that he has best of both worlds.

and so, this morning is beautiful. though it is technically a dark, gloomy and wet afternoon already. how strange.

gold?

by jon laa on April 28th, 2009

this is absolutely terrible, to be entertaining the thought of getting a gold for napfa. i suppose after being liberated from tests and examinations, a test like this kinda excites me a little. but either way, i suppose i will still work for it. i wouldn’t want to move on from this bit with regrets.

but being motivated by ego and such, i suppose it wouldn’t be that awesome and i wouldn’t be surprise if it is not meant to be. and that the plan may backfire.

to put things in perspective i need to:

1) jump consistently at 225, for the least
2) reduce 2.4km timing by 30 seconds
3) increase pull ups by two.

surprisingly, or not, the second actually poses the most difficult. i think jumping should be fairly easy, something that i can probably get used to. and doing two more pull ups is probably all about brute strength.

sigh.

on the bright side, i practised my violin today and am starting to listen out a little more.

napfa is in about 30 hours. shall test to see if i can get a C for the other stations. i don’t think i should spread myself that thin for that stupid thing.

Of e flats and soreness

by jon laa on April 27th, 2009

Managed to sing a e flat today before I did any proper warm ups, which is weird because e flats are normally quite intense for me. Didn’t start with a e flat though, sang random notes and gradually move up till it sounds high to my ears. Matched it to the tuner and keyboard, e flat.

The throat is still a little coarse, sore, not sure which is it. Down with sore throat sometime on thursday and started coughing randomly yesterday, which was just annoying. But getting better, no cough though it feels like there is some kind of wire gauze stuck in the throat. Bitch.

Did o del mio amato ben before I went on to caro laccio. The former sounded way better than the latter, tsk.

Been lazy, skipped danielle’s birthday even. Terrible.

My heel hurts from jumping, couldn’t land properly so I end up on the heel quite often. Making a conscious effort to land on my toes instead. Jump is getting better but inconsistent and I hope the pressure of the test will push me forward and not downward. Going for it on wed with forbes and I honestly hope I fail because I will like to train slightly harder to warren a gold instead.

:)

Dear Lord

by jon laa on April 24th, 2009

i am sure you would have known by now that i am enlisting on 13 june and i am not sure if it is your idea that i should be enlisting on a SATURDAY. honestly, it is not damn pleasant, but i am quite cool with that.

i am more worried about not passing my standing board jump. by divine intervention or not, you have sent wonderful ex classmate jon who have given me some awfully awesome tips to passing standing board jump and i am glad i managed to hit the passing distance four times even though i fell backwards twice.

moving from all that, you know i am damn apprehensive about enlisting because, i would think, i am afraid i can’t pass my standing board jump.

sigh.

honestly, i will like to enlist later. because of pride though. so it kinda sucks actually.

whatever.

idealist

by jon laa on April 22nd, 2009

my teacher says i am crazy because i sing like i am. and that i may be an idealist. she is right on both, i am both crazy and an idealistic. which is damn upsetting actually.

i wonder what makes an idealist idealistic. i will rather not be, i am sure you all know that.

hello.

by jon laa on April 22nd, 2009

then i deleted the person whom i deleted off my msn off my facebook and phone book as well. feels awesome, honestly.

sometimes we need to think what holds people together. the physical or the inside.

gahhh…

by jon laa on April 20th, 2009

aunt is back from germany and everything is just less personal. somewhat gotta think twice before stepping downstairs. will have to run through what i will like to do before i actually head down. i never feel comfortable with extra people around.

and so, i am hungry and am going for food.

did some weight training and i am surprise my arms don’t hurt. are protein powder that powerful in helping muscle recovery? going to do more of them through the week to put on weight. i am planning to gain at least a kg by friday. which kinda means i will be heading to the gym everyday on top of the weight training at home.

procrastinating about jumping, not sure if my legs are up for it yet.

screw those people who say they can’t without trying. just so you know, i am not born yesterday and i actually do know what is impossible from what is not. i can’t decide if it is the person or the intention. maybe he just think he can’t, or maybe he just don’t want to, thus he can’t.

oh well. life goes on.

4am

by jon laa on April 20th, 2009

it is going to be 4 in a while and i am still up awake playing some stupid game in facebook. they are addictive only when you have somebody who has a better than score than you.

speaking of which, i am reminded by how warped our society is - if he can do it, you can too. i am not agreeable with that. as much as we are all born the same, naked and most probably normal, i believe we come with different inclinations.

like playing games is just not my forte.

which kinda means it is perfectly justifiable for one to not do what two can.

the person whom i removed from my msn, not to his knowing i believe, told me it is my loss if i forget who he is. i would think the establishment of any kind of relationship with him is probably my loss. and at this moment, i don’t think i wanna befriend some lost soul who thinks he has something to offer when there probably isn’t. i can’t be sure there isn’t, i need to keep room for benefit of doubt.

there is this sudden epiphany about love. like how it is about being perpetually and not just the beginning or the end. and how it is never rational and probably means you gotta be dumb in order to love, because of all the long suffering and whatever not.

tsk tsk.

i need to get some food before turning in for the night.

the best thing

by jon laa on April 19th, 2009

fall in love or fall in hate. get inspired or be depressed. ace a test or flunk in class. make babies or make art. speak the truth or lie and cheat. dance on tables or sit in the corner. live in divine chaos. embrace it. forgive yourself. breathe. and enjoy the ride.

and

“the surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.”

- nietzsche

make babies or make art? i am so going to do both! just wait and see. hahaha.

got both of the above off some friends’ blogs, thought they were interesting.

the best thing i did today was to delete somebody off my msn list and to follow up with removing all chat history between us so i can’t get to open a conversation window. i can actually do that via the history and i thought i need a clean cut from that person, and most of the people around me actually.

i am highly intrigued by strangers and by people who are difficult to understand, sounds like edward from twilight. but either way, i realise it is terribly draining on the soul. decided to forget it. there is no reason why i should be reaching out and opening myself to people whom i am skeptical of, people whom i am not sure if they love me and people whom i cannot be trusting at all.

and so, bye bye acquaintance. i really enjoyed the many conversations we had together but i felt it was pure stupidity for me to do whatever i did. talk about being dumb nice. and like i said, it will be the last time and you know i will probably avoid you because of your inability to reassure me about your person and the friendship we hold.

fyi, i did send a disclaimer. the reassurance did not come, anyways.

moving on from that, i did lots of singing today. kinda. and i called it singing coloratura, commando style.

gotta work harder, trying to even out everything and trying to keep my throat open and clear. for whatever reasons i have, everything is moving, upwards, and it is getting annoying.

didn’t practise the violin, i ought to be stoned. but really, i am losing heart. but i am telling myself i have to go on, it is just that little bit more to go.

feeling tired, will have to go now.

brighter note, everything is falling into place. i feel some kind of structure and form condensing now.