Objectified

by jon laa on January 29th, 2009

It makes a lot of difference to have an objective in mind, to ignore everything else including the end result. I need to put that into my singing, I need to learn to stop listening to myself, but it isn’t that easy at all.

Day 1 of violin practice. It wasn’t anywhere near good but it wasn’t that repulsive. I realise it’s difficult for me to play scales which don’t start on an open string at this point in time. My fingers are still a little deaf, shall work on those scales which start on open strings for the time being.

I had the switchy feeling. The switch between being focused and being not focused. Like when I am absolutely focused, everything is perfect. Bowing, tempo, pitch, every single damn thing. But out of the hundred over times I played the scale today, I only managed to play a relatively perfect scale twice, or thrice perhaps. Long, long way to go.

For the first time in my life, I used a metronome. And since I don’t have one, I was using the one found here. It’s pretty good, but it doesn’t go up by a degree each time. If it goes up a degree at a time, it’ll be easier for me. I’ll probably be less fluttered.

Only managed one scale, there’s another one I can try on. And I’ll probably look for scales that start on an open string to replace the ones that don’t.

Oh, I finally managed using the full bow. It isn’t that difficult if you were to shut out the slips of the bow, which produces some horrifying shriek. And it takes a lot of determination to continue an out-of-tune scale. It’s more than jarring. I should be more determined to go through out-of-tune scales, I suppose it will deter me from doing that again. Haha!

Be back to singing for a while before going to see a doctor. I’m practising in the midst of feeling a little drowsy. Probably some virus attack, whatever it is.

And so, I am not at work today.

ETA: I did another hour in the evening, managed to work on the scale a little. It’s still far from being perfect. I never really played all four strings on the violin three years ago, I’d always try my best to avoid the lower two strings. Probably need more time to adapt.

ETA: The doctor said it’s some viral going on in the air. My throat is somewhat affected, but I am still going to attempt to sing in a while.

Yay-ness

by jon laa on January 29th, 2009

First violin lesson in three years, I think. The last time I had a lesson was probably late 2005.

Lesson was refreshing. I am glad there are still morsels of playing left. I can barely deal with a half-an-octave-scale the other day but I ended up walking away from class with three two-octave scales to work through, sixty times each - daily. I suppose that will fix my pitching, if my sense of pitching is actually accurate. Major scales only though, I can’t wait for minor. It will be good if we can work on three scales every week, we can probably cover a lot.

Didn’t have much resources to work around with. Back to detestable suzuki book, it was book two. One easy piece and two relatively difficult pieces. I suppose they will be good brain work for me to refresh my extremely stale fingers and brain.

There’s little bit of excitement in life now. Of course internship is a total drag but we can’t really blame anybody, can we? I told her about the previous teacher being a little too nice and she snapped that it wouldn’t be so. I think she said that a few times and the last time she did she mentioned about my limits, for the first time. That’s some what safe to here.

Next week will probably be more exciting, she promised, or rather mentioned, that she will be gathering some resources.

I need to head down to the library soon. Probably on saturday (just so you, you, you, know), but I need to practise as well. It is a little difficult to cope.

No tutoring this week, thank God.

I definitely need to bulk up on my listening. Probably going to get down to listening to baroque ensemble music for real, and some violin music for a start. I will probably need to add trio sonatas to the list. I added lots and lots of vladimir horowitz to my play list but never got down to listening to them. It’s an awful waste.

Did think of heading down to library on sunday to do some reading, but I figured I shouldn’t. I need my sunday afternoon naps and it’s supposedly ordained for rest, so let it be as it was. And from sunday onwards, it will be the last two weeks.

I’m secretly shouting for joy.

No la, internship isn’t that bad. But I have a million and one other things to do.

Events-to-attend List

by jon laa on January 28th, 2009

30 Jan: Nella Hunkins Chamber Recital, Fri, 7:30pm
6 Feb: Violin Virtuoso, Fri, 12:30pm at ACM
8 Feb: In Memory of Great Artists, Sun, 5:00pm
10 Feb: Songs & sonatas from Vienna, Tue, 5:30pm
10 Feb: Albert Tiu Piano Recital: Tue, 7:30pm
17 Feb: Lina Bahn Violin Masterclass, Tue, 3:00pm
18 Feb: Violin & Cello, Wed, 12.15pm
20 Feb: Voice of the Violin, Fri, 7:30pm
6 Mar: T'ang Quartet with Thomas Hecht, Fri, 7:30pm
8 Mar: Suite of Sentiments, Sun, 3:00pm at Esplanade
10 Mar: Leon Fleisher Piano Masterclass I, Tue, 7:30pm
15 Mar: An Evening Serenade, Sun, 5:00pm
17 Mar: Les Contes d'Hoffmann, Tue, 8:00pm

20 Mar: Li-Wei Cello Recital, Fri, 7:30pm
24 Mar: Violins: Instruments of Divinity? Tue, 5:30pm
24 Mar: Tans Memorial Vocal Competition, Tue, 8:00pm
27 Mar: Zuo Jun Violin Recital, Fri, 7:30pm
31 Mar: Piano and String Chamber Recital, Tue, 7:30pm
1 Apr: Senior Recital: violin, Wed, 5:00pm
2 Apr: Renaud Capuçon Violin Masterclass, Thu, 2:30pm
2 Apr: Senior Recital: violin, Thu, 5:00pm
3 Apr: Hommage á Poulenc, Fri, 7:30pm
5 Apr: Spectrum: Modern iCons - Dream Worlds, Sun, 7:30pm
6 Apr: The Conservatory Chamber Singers, Mon, 7:30pm
7 Apr: Double Stops, Tue, 7:30pm
22 Apr: Graduate Diploma Recital, violin, Wed, 4pm

Nationhood

by jon laa on January 28th, 2009

If you were to search through the national board library for singing instruction and such, you’ll realise most of them are written in chinese. I guess those were the books left behind by those who are now dead, whom I guess are a lot more artistic and musical than the rest of us at large. That’s just a passing thought. I don’t think any of us today actually donate books to the libraries, money is probably preferred. And for some reasons, we haven’t stocked up enough books on singing instruction, in english.

Little disappointing, but we will make do. There are still some books in english around, thank goodness.

I see myself spending a lot of time in the library once internship ends. There are some reference books I will like to read.

Descend

by jon laa on January 27th, 2009

I went for a run today, after a long hiatus. I figured I may be a better runner by now if I was a little more consistent at it. My pull-up training has also failed because of the bruise I got from the blood test some time back, or whatever you call that.

Been listening to violin pieces, mostly baroque. Not so much of operas, but a little of mad scenes here and there. Feeling good about the combination.

Bai nian at my voice teacher’s place. Great company, with lots of food to go around. No alcohol for us, amazing. Think we were all tired actually. The lunar new year chaos, I suppose.

Everything has been great, despite the little bit of reality check from my voice teacher. But it is good also, it somewhat pushes me forward. It has been personal, so I don’t talk much to people about it. I appreciate it lots and I look forward to the next one. I think reality checks really put me in perspective, and somewhat provides me the foresight to head the right direction. It seems like everything is right, I feel like I understood better. I can’t wait for the next lesson.

Everybody is taking lessons from thio. I wish I had the money to. It is a little impractical at this point in time. Perhaps when I have moved and perhaps when I can afford a piano. I don’t think I want to take theory lessons from him, I am happy with my teacher. I will like to move on with piano, perhaps composition. Maybe there is a reason why everybody is taking theory from him, and maybe that will be a sign of the teacher I need. But at this point in time, like I already said, it’s impractical.

In all, I am contented and happy.

Praise be, again.

Fingering

by jon laa on January 27th, 2009

My fingers are out of tune, I can’t get them to behave. Did scales and arpeggios, were painfully difficult to get in pitch. Either way, there was some improvement by the end of the day. My fingers are slightly sore, pleasantly sore. I need to work on bowing too. Probably tomorrow. I’ll like to see what has become of my right hand. Lesson starts on wednesday.

The tuner died on me, I hope it is just the battery. Either way, I don’t think I will ever get down to using it again. Over-reliance, bad idea. It was difficult to attempt to tune, like having to establish some mental pitching against what is physical.

Moving from all that, I have been trying. Now I just need to hope I can get somewhere.

Occasional movies are good, even though I still find trips to the cinemas extremely pointless.

Booo.

by jon laa on January 26th, 2009

It is the superficial time of the year again. My soul is beyond tormented, I wish I could take it easier.

On the superficial side, harvest has been good this year. My grandpa tried to stuff money into my hands some time back, which I refused. Then he came again today and did the same, I took it. I couldn’t be bothered to reject if he’s going to come again. It’s funny why he has to give it to me in cash and not put it together with the ang pow.

Moving from all that brouhaha of my torments, I figured I need to put the cash this year into better use. Probably into something like music classes.

And the decision to pick up violin seems to be a divine intervention of sorts, yet again. It’s a complicated life I live.

Of course, I’m on the route to stop thinking.

Just twelve more days of internship, my heart longeth for joy.

Dear Lord

by jon laa on January 23rd, 2009

It is difficult to comprehend your works of divinity. The degree of divine intervention is perhaps most apt and appropriate, timely, yet incomprehensible.

No, I don’t think I find myself loving you more, yet. But I suppose one day I will. Like they said, “pass me not.”

I remembered my conversation with alex. They were not years in vain, there was change. There was a difference, a greater picture which was and is still incomplete. It was in plan. Nonetheless, painful.

In all, I want to thank you for re-instilling my direction in life.

And also to have been there, if not sent somebody there, to see me through the injustice and incoherence of a cosmopolitan and a highly meritocratic living.

Because like how you reassured her, I find myself seeing my choice and my chosen in a different light.

I put those senseless sacrifices into your hands, because I know you like them. Many times when I could have not cared, or could have shot yet another rebuttal, but I know you love them. Perhaps more than me. But I know they are there for a reason, and that they have to remain right at times when it may not be so. It is done, as I cannot see nor imagine, but you will.

Merely knowing I am not alone is comfort.

The night when you left me, or when I decided you should go, was incredible. And I am glad I have comes to term with it and can now, in full assurance, add it into my collection of extraordinary encounters.

Now, be not only with me. Go before.

Go before not only me, but also L.

Because you know I love him, and could give a lot more. Likewise, you love him more, and could give a lot more.

Forgive us.

Experience

by jon laa on January 21st, 2009

I more than certainly need a new experience. I think I need to do something extraordinary that does not breach my moral values.

That’s not that easy.

Obsession

by jon laa on January 21st, 2009

I always prefer ending my emails off with many thanks instead of thanks. Because I don’t see how “many” makes a difference to the degree of gratitude and because I have a low threshold for a capital “t”, I’ll go with m, anytime.

It’s not hard to assume that people do misinterpret me. But I don’t exactly care.

Maybe I should be rude and not thank them at all. Being completely honest, I don’t see the need for gratitude, nor do I see any in their word of thanks.